things your single friend probably doesn't want to hear

I don't understand how no one has snatched you up.

photo source

Are you seeing anyone
yet?

Once you stop looking for him, that’s when he’ll come.
He will come. That’s just part of the deal.

You’re just so
wonderful
beautiful
kind
caring
smart
talented
funny
sweet
good with people
good with animals
good with kids
good at listening
good at loving
good.
I don’t understand how no one has snatched you up.

Make your relationship with God a priority, and He’ll give you a spouse when you’re ready.
I guess you’re not ready.

You shouldn’t lower your standards for a man.
But if you have your faith in common, what more do you really need?

Don’t try to manipulate God’s timing.
Have you tried a dating app?

God must just be saving someone really special for you.
I mean, everyone is special. But there must be a reason He’s making you wait this long.

You know,
I have this nephewcousinbrotherfamilyfrienddistantrelative
that you’d be perfect for.
You’re not interested?
Don’t be so picky.

Remember, God is your true husband.
It’s so cringey when people call God their husband.

Maybe you should be more outgoing.
Maybe you should be less intense.
Maybe you should wear more makeup.
Maybe you should wear less makeup.
Maybe you shouldn’t have gotten those tattoos.
Maybe you shouldn’t wear those heels.
Maybe you should find a young adult group.
Maybe you should try a different church.
Maybe you should start exercising.
Maybe you should eat less.
Maybe you should try harder to find someone.
Maybe you shouldn’t try so hard.
Maybe you’re doing something wrong.

Don’t dress/act/speak/stand/sit like that. Guys don’t find that attractive.
I’m just trying to help.

I envy all that free time you must have.
Are you using it to serve the church?

I would love to have a bed all to myself.
I can’t imagine living alone.

Jesus was single too,
you know.
Marriage is really hard,
you know.
There’s nothing wrong with you,
you know.

Do you baby-sit?

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Originally published to Willowdale Women.