you can hold both (and so can He)

brief, unfiltered thoughts written from an emergency room in the middle of the night.

the following was written as a note in my phone around 2 a.m. on thanksgiving day, while i was sitting in a plastic emergency room chair and watching someone i love very much suffer.

i’m deeply thankful (no pun intended) to report that the situation in which this was written had an exhausting yet happy ending — we drove home around 4 a.m., slept until 12:30 p.m., and then enjoyed a lovely thanksgiving meal with my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and children of cousins.

even so, these words still stand.

for those who are struggling to feel thankful today, just want to remind you that it is both possible and okay to hold gratitude in one hand, and anger/hurt/grief/disappointment/etc in the other.

you can be thankful to God for all the good things He’s given you, like your fiancé and your health insurance — and you can still be angry and sad and confused over the fact that you’re sitting with your fiancé in an emergency room at 1:23 AM on thanksgiving morning, weeks after said fiancé unexpectedly lost his health insurance.

(yes, there’s a prayer request hidden in there.)

joy and sadness can coexist. so can gratitude and lament.

we rejoice over the good, we cry and scream and maybe sometimes curse over the hard…and then we trust Him with it all.

he’s here in this ER waiting room, holding my hand and listening to the angry cries of my weary heart.

wherever you are,

whatever emotions you’re holding,

He’s here with you, too.

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